INT. DR. NEFARIO’S EVIL LAIR
DR. NEFARIO laughs maniacally. He has reporter LAURA LYNN
and intern RICKY and hostages tied to chairs at gunpoint.
DR. NEFARIO
Well, Ms. Lynn, I never expected to
see a reporter like you amongst my
hostages. This is a good get.
LYNN
You’re insane, Dr. Nefario!
RICKY
Golly gee, Ms. Lynn. I didn’t know
an internship at the Gazette would
be this much trouble.
LYNN
Shut up, Ricky. We only hired you
to unjam the printers.
DR. NEFARIO
Yeah, kid. Who interns at a
newspaper in 2015? Food blogs are
where it’s at.
LYNN
What do you think you can
accomplish, Nefario?
DR. NEFARIO moves to a switch.
DR. NEFARIO
Once I flip this switch- Ah, ah.
Nice try. Don’t worry about my
plan. Just know that the entire
city is DOOMED!
All of a sudden, INCREDIMAN breaks through the wall.
INCREDIMAN
Not so fast, Dr. Nefario!
DR. NEFARIO
Incrediman!
LYNN
Goddamnit. Not Incrediman!
RICKY
Gee wilikers, Ms. Lynn! I’ve never
seen Incrediman in real life
before!
LYNN
Listen, kid. The last guy you want
to see is Incrediman.
INCREDIMAN
YES! It is I, Incrediman!
INCREDIMAN moves to center stage.
INCREDIMAN
Champion of the weak! Defender of
the innocent! Seeker of truth and
justice! Sworn to fight ev-
LYNN
Hey! Jackass! Shut up for like, two
seconds! We need help over here!
INCREDIMAN returns to his original position.
INCREDIMAN
Right. Think fast, Dr. Nefario...if
you can!
INCREDIMAN throws a punch, but NEFARIO dodges it.
DR. NEFARIO
Nice try, Incredijerk! But you’ll
never stop me! Even with your
powers!
INCREDIMAN moves to center stage. NEFARIO is intrigued.
INCREDIMAN
At a young age, cosmic radiation
gave me abilities far beyond that
of mortal men! I can fly, lift
thousands of pounds and consolidate
my bills into one easy payme-
LYNN
Incrediman! Jesus Christ!
INCREDIMAN
Sorry! Sorry!
INCREDIMAN returns to his original position. He grapples
with NEFARIO.
RICKY
Jeepers, Ms. Lynn! Why does he
always talk about himself like
that?
LYNN
Because he’s a dick, Ricky. He has
to be the center of attention.
RICKY
Gee whiz, Ms. Lynn. That sucks.
LYNN
Yeah. Realistically, we’re probably
gonna have to save ourselves.
LYNN and RICKY struggle against their bonds.
INCREDIMAN
Give it up, Nefario!
DR. NEFARIO
Ha! I won’t be defeated by an alien
from...hmm, where did you say you
were from again?
INCREDIMAN moves to center stage. NEFARIO smiles
INCREDIMAN
I am the the last son of a dead
world in a far away galaxy. My
birth parents, Tia and Tamara,
saved me by sending me to Earth in
a rocket.
DR. NEFARIO starts shooting hostages. INCREDIMAN raises his
voice to be heard over the gun shots.
INCREDIMAN
Passing through gaseous nebulas and
cosmic radiation I was imbued with
the powers of the universe! I
landed on Earth as a child, unaware
of my gift.
DR. NEFARIO
Keep going! It’s soooo interesting!
NEFARIO keeps shooting.
INCREDIMAN
My adopted human parents taught me
to be the best that I could be.
Later, I moved to the city and took
a job at the Daily Gazette as
mild-mannered nerd Brent Bronson-
RICKY
Holy shit, Ms. Lynn! It’s Mr.
Bronson!
LYNN
God. Seriously?
INCREDIMAN stops, for a second. He looks like he realized he
shouldn’t have said that.
DR. NEFARIO
No! Don’t stop! Maybe talk about
your hobbies! We’d all loovvvvve to
know!
INCREDIMAN
Well...uh...I play the mandolin. I
knit. Oh, and I fight crime as
Incrediman! That’s a big one. I
came up with the name myself.
LYNN and RICKY manage to escape their bonds, but NEFARIO
shoots them at the last minute. Then he flips his switch,
shrugs and leaves.
INCREDIMAN
It’s fun fighting crime, but,
sometimes when I close my eyes, I
can still hear my parents’ screams
as my homeworld imploded. God.
Maybe that’s why I crave attention!
Nefario, you’re a doctor. What do
you th-
INCREDIMAN turns around to see all the corpses.
INCREDIMAN
Dr. Nefario has run away! Another
victory for Incrediman! No need to
thank me, Ms. Lynn! FOR GLORRRYYY!
INCREDIMAN ’flies’ off stage. RICKY’S dead body falls over
as we:
END.
dS-dF 