INT. DR. NEFARIO’S EVIL LAIR DR. NEFARIO laughs maniacally. He has reporter LAURA LYNN and intern RICKY and hostages tied to chairs at gunpoint. DR. NEFARIO Well, Ms. Lynn, I never expected to see a reporter like you amongst my hostages. This is a good get. LYNN You’re insane, Dr. Nefario! RICKY Golly gee, Ms. Lynn. I didn’t know an internship at the Gazette would be this much trouble. LYNN Shut up, Ricky. We only hired you to unjam the printers. DR. NEFARIO Yeah, kid. Who interns at a newspaper in 2015? Food blogs are where it’s at. LYNN What do you think you can accomplish, Nefario? DR. NEFARIO moves to a switch. DR. NEFARIO Once I flip this switch- Ah, ah. Nice try. Don’t worry about my plan. Just know that the entire city is DOOMED! All of a sudden, INCREDIMAN breaks through the wall. INCREDIMAN Not so fast, Dr. Nefario! DR. NEFARIO Incrediman! LYNN Goddamnit. Not Incrediman!
RICKY Gee wilikers, Ms. Lynn! I’ve never seen Incrediman in real life before! LYNN Listen, kid. The last guy you want to see is Incrediman. INCREDIMAN YES! It is I, Incrediman! INCREDIMAN moves to center stage. INCREDIMAN Champion of the weak! Defender of the innocent! Seeker of truth and justice! Sworn to fight ev- LYNN Hey! Jackass! Shut up for like, two seconds! We need help over here! INCREDIMAN returns to his original position. INCREDIMAN Right. Think fast, Dr. Nefario...if you can! INCREDIMAN throws a punch, but NEFARIO dodges it. DR. NEFARIO Nice try, Incredijerk! But you’ll never stop me! Even with your powers! INCREDIMAN moves to center stage. NEFARIO is intrigued. INCREDIMAN At a young age, cosmic radiation gave me abilities far beyond that of mortal men! I can fly, lift thousands of pounds and consolidate my bills into one easy payme- LYNN Incrediman! Jesus Christ! INCREDIMAN Sorry! Sorry! INCREDIMAN returns to his original position. He grapples with NEFARIO.
RICKY Jeepers, Ms. Lynn! Why does he always talk about himself like that? LYNN Because he’s a dick, Ricky. He has to be the center of attention. RICKY Gee whiz, Ms. Lynn. That sucks. LYNN Yeah. Realistically, we’re probably gonna have to save ourselves. LYNN and RICKY struggle against their bonds. INCREDIMAN Give it up, Nefario! DR. NEFARIO Ha! I won’t be defeated by an alien from...hmm, where did you say you were from again? INCREDIMAN moves to center stage. NEFARIO smiles INCREDIMAN I am the the last son of a dead world in a far away galaxy. My birth parents, Tia and Tamara, saved me by sending me to Earth in a rocket. DR. NEFARIO starts shooting hostages. INCREDIMAN raises his voice to be heard over the gun shots. INCREDIMAN Passing through gaseous nebulas and cosmic radiation I was imbued with the powers of the universe! I landed on Earth as a child, unaware of my gift. DR. NEFARIO Keep going! It’s soooo interesting! NEFARIO keeps shooting. INCREDIMAN My adopted human parents taught me to be the best that I could be.
Later, I moved to the city and took a job at the Daily Gazette as mild-mannered nerd Brent Bronson- RICKY Holy shit, Ms. Lynn! It’s Mr. Bronson! LYNN God. Seriously? INCREDIMAN stops, for a second. He looks like he realized he shouldn’t have said that. DR. NEFARIO No! Don’t stop! Maybe talk about your hobbies! We’d all loovvvvve to know! INCREDIMAN Well...uh...I play the mandolin. I knit. Oh, and I fight crime as Incrediman! That’s a big one. I came up with the name myself. LYNN and RICKY manage to escape their bonds, but NEFARIO shoots them at the last minute. Then he flips his switch, shrugs and leaves. INCREDIMAN It’s fun fighting crime, but, sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still hear my parents’ screams as my homeworld imploded. God. Maybe that’s why I crave attention! Nefario, you’re a doctor. What do you th- INCREDIMAN turns around to see all the corpses. INCREDIMAN Dr. Nefario has run away! Another victory for Incrediman! No need to thank me, Ms. Lynn! FOR GLORRRYYY! INCREDIMAN ’flies’ off stage. RICKY’S dead body falls over as we: END.