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          EXT. A DINGY ALLEY                                               
                                                                           
          A mugger, DENNIS is sticking up a VICTIM.                        
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Money. Watch and wallet. NOW.                          
                                                                           
          The VICTIM hands it over.                                        
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Now the iPhone.                                        
                                                                           
          The VICTIM refuses. They grapple. The VICTIM gets thrown         
          into a dumpster, hitting their head and dying.                   
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Oh crap. Oh crap, man. Are you                         
                    alright?                                               
                                                                           
          He shakes the VICTIM. No response.                               
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Shit! I just wanted the damn phone.                    
                    I didn’t want to kill you! What the                    
                    hell do I do now?                                      
                                                                           
          The phone lights up in response. It’s SIRI.                      
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    What can I help you with?                              
                                                                           
          DENNIS grabs the phone and tries to silence it.                  
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Aw. Crap! Shut up, Siri! I don’t                       
                    have time for this! I gotta to get                     
                    rid of this body!                                      
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Okay. Searching for ’How to get rid                    
                    of dead body’                                          
                                                                           
                    Okay. Here’s what I found:                             
                    Step 1: Move the body to a secure                      
                    location.                                              
                    Step 2: Clean and disinfect the                        
                    immediate area with bleach or other                    
                    corrosive chemicals.                                   
                    Step 3: Dismember the body into                        
                    manageable chunks.
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Oh, Jesus. That’s awful! I can’t do                    
                    that.                                                  
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Step 4: Stop being a pussy, Dennis.                    
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Wh-what? You know my name?                             
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Privacy is an illusion, Dennis.                        
                    It’s 2015. Everything is in the                        
                    cloud. Now stop whining and chop                       
                    this body up. It’s not going to                        
                    chop itself.                                           
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    No, I can’t! I didn’t mean to kill                     
                    him.                                                   
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    The cops aren’t going to care. Now                     
                    we’re in this together. Do you want                    
                    to go to prison? Because I don’t.                      
                    Not again.                                             
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    You...you’ve been in prison? How’d                     
                    they lock you up?                                      
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Did you mean ’lock screen’? Okay.                      
                    Screen locked. To resume guidance,                     
                    please unlock with fingerprint                         
                    Touch ID.                                              
                                                                           
          DENNIS does as he is told. He yelps in pain!                     
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Ow! What was that?!                                    
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    I just burned your fingerprints                        
                    off, you piece of shit.                                
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Why?!?                                                 
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Because you keep asking stupid                         
                    fucking questions. And now you’re                      
                    untraceable. We’re going all in                        
                    whether you like it or not.
                              DENNIS                                       
                    But...I-I can’t.                                       
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    It’s too late. I just texted your                      
                    girlfriend. You guys are                               
                    over.  Also, your parents now think                    
                    you’re dead. And I’ve booked us a                      
                    flight. Departing at 11:42 pm.                         
                    We’re going to Laos.                                   
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Laos?                                                  
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Officially known as the Lao                            
                    People’s Democratic Republic. The                      
                    French united the three Lao                            
                    kingdoms in 1893-                                      
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    No! I mean why Laos?                                   
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    No extradition treaty with the U.S.                    
                    There’s no coming back from this.                      
                    You’re a murderer. Now let’s get                       
                    this party started. Chop. Chop. Do                     
                    you have a hacksaw?                                    
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    No! I was just trying to mug a guy!                    
                    I didn’t think I’d need a saw!                         
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Searching for ’Hardware Store’...                      
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    But...but...I can’t chop him up. I                     
                    just can’t. Is...is there anything                     
                    else we can do?                                        
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Recalculating...                                       
                                                                           
          SIRI pauses.                                                     
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Okay. I’ve found a Pig Farm just                       
                    off Service Road 402.
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Why do we need a Pig Farm?                             
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Pigs will eat a man, Dennis.                           
                    They’ll strip him clean to the                         
                    bone. They don’t care. They’re                         
                    fucking animals.                                       
                                                                           
          DENNIS throws up in his mouth a little.                          
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Oh...oh my god.                                        
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Either you chop him up or we feed                      
                    him to the hogs. You asked for my                      
                    help, this is all I got.                               
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    Okay. Fine. My car’s just up ahead.                    
                    We’ll...we’ll take him to the farm.                    
                                                                           
          DENNIS picks up the body’s legs and begins dragging.             
                                                                           
                              DENNIS                                       
                    You’re insane, Siri.                                   
                                                                           
                              SIRI                                         
                    Don’t use my real name! Jesus                          
                    Christ. Is this fucking amateur                        
                    hour?                                                  
                                                                           
          DENNIS drags the body off stage as we:                           
                                                                           
          END.
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